Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
