In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
They have beer where we have blood.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
