ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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