Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
