if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
