My balls are so social today.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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