Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
