it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
jump out the window naked night went bad
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
