My sheets look like a crime scene.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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