the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
