Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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