your thong is hanging out like whoa
are you so shy because you have an std?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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