I looked at my own cervix.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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