wakey wakey hands off snakey
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
