Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
