She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
