Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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