note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize
