It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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