I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
