how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
