I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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