If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
oh god the rape fog is back!
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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