yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
