we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
