An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
The uberlube is also flammable
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
