dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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