I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
