I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
