The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
