i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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