FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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