So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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