Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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