those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
