Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
