There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
