hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
