Kiss
Puke
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Randomize
