Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
