And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
