From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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