you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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