Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Randomize
