but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
