his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
