if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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