We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
