I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
