omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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